Hilarious

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Santa Singh, an Indian (Punjabi) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people left the room. Santa says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people left the room. Santa says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people left the room. Santa says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people left the room. Santa says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Santa turns to the other candidate and says 'Hor Phaphe ki haal chaal?.' The other candidate answers ' O Vadiya veere, tu Sunna'

The truest definition of Globalization

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky: followed closely by Italian Paparazzis in Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
And moreover this is sent to you by a Indian, using American technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by Pakistan lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals...
That, my friend, is " Globalization "

Rajani!!!

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.

* Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.

* Rajnikant counted to infinity - twice.

* When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

* Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

* Rajnikant doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

* Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.

* Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.

* There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

* Rajnikant's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

* Rajnikant can divide by zero.

* Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant turnaround kick.

* When taking the GRE, write "Rajnikant" for every answer. You will score over 1600.

* Rajnikant has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

* Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

* Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Rajnikant

*Rajanikanth's acting is so good that he even makes onions cry.

* Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than death can process them.

* Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

* Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

* Rajanikanth can kill a shark by drowning it.

* Rajanikanth can play the violin... with a piano.

* When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on....... he turns the darkness off.

* Rajanikanth once had a heart attack............... his heart lost.

* When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror it shatters, because the mirror is not stupid enough to get in between the two Rajanikanths.

* Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further!

“BEEDI JALAI LE ” EnglishTranslation

(It’s awesome… best one is Sasssuriiiiiiiiiiiii [:-)] )

DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST US
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!!!!!)

NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!!)
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT
GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE

LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER

DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
DO NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS
DONOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS THE WORLD IS VERY CROOKED
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
IT’S SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE

NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
OLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVETAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE YEAH YEAH

NOT CRIME
NOT CHAOS
WITHOUT SIN DIEDU CALLED ME IN THE AFTER NOON
TALKED BANGALES
MASKED HIMSELF
BURN THE SMALL STOVE 4M FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THRE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
NOT EVEN KNIFE SHAPRPNEES
NOT EVEN PLOUGH OR PLOUGHER
BITE SO THAT IT LEAVE IMPRINTS
THIS CROP ANY FARMER VILL LEAVE
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS CATO (billo)
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
NOT EVEN CALLED ME
NOT EVEN TOLD ME
U WOKE ME UP 4M SLEEP
I DONT KNOW 4M VER THIS FATE CAME
HE CAME NEAR BY MAKING ME EAT CARDAMOM
BURN THE COAL FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER

Quotes of the Year!!

One Heck of a quote by Arun Lal in the recently played Indo - Pak Final at Bangladesh.

Commenting on the decision by Dhoni to have already bowled 4 spinners ( 7 bowlers) and about to bring on Raina as the 5th Spinner (8th bowler) ...

Commentator 1: Dhoni is bringing in... would you believe it the the 8th bowler, the 5th spinner for the innings.

Arun Lal: You know not all of them are spinners, some are ROLLERS !!!

What in the name of bloody hell was that ?

But this comes in only second.

But the Numero Uno quote has to be by the commentator in the Man Utd v Arsenal match at Old Trafford this season.

Gallas handles the ball, Ref gives the penalty. Ronaldo about to take the penalty, and as usual, Lehmann tries to act smart (someone tell him he'll always be dumb) and tries to unnerve Ronaldo by complaining to the Ref about the ball's improper placement at the spot.

Ref digs it, gives Lehmann the yellow card.

Commentator: He deserved the yellow card, actually he deserves it just for being Jens Lehmann !!!

Brilliant .... Absolutely Brilliant !!!

Pieces of advice to juniors in societies / any council:

1. Dont always do what the member wants, but always do what the member needs.

2. You are not in the freaking business of running gameshows. You are a technical / non technical outfit, glamour is good, not at the expense of content.

3. Nobody in this world is indispensable, Not U Not ME. If someone is not present, there will always be someone else who'll step up and get the job done. May not be as swift and smooth as someone else, but the job will be done.

4. Be your own competition. You dont need to see what someone else is doing. Do the best you can and if you feel that you could have done nothing better than what you have done, You have achieved your goal.

FUNNY, THY NAME IS ENGLISH!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always men,

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,

We find that quicksand can work slowly,

Boxing rings are square,

and a guinea pig isneither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing?

Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends

and get rid of all But one of them, what do you call it?

If one who looks is a looker,

why one who cooks is not a cooker?

If teachers taught,

why didn't preachers praught?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.

We have noses that run and feet that smell.

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language

In which your house can burn up as it burns down,

In which you fill in a form by filling it out,

And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop,

How come Mother's not Mop?