SPARX 2007 Speech

After many requests from people, here is the link to download the video of the 'speech' / 'blabbering' I delivered during SPARX 07.

http://rapidshare.com/files/134559598/03042008006.mp4

Thanks to Kondej for having recorded this...

The Recent Serial Bomb Blasts...

You can read on every forum and every magazine and TV channel, same applying to all the newspapers and whichever other media you are aware of, such acts of cowardice are aimed only at deepening the Communal Divide and creating disharmony.

So I believe that the need of the hour is:

The Communities should rise up. Enough is enough. Lets not have blame games with respect to which community did the bombers belong to.

If anyone knows who it was rise up, bring it to the notice of the concerned authorities.

The reason I strongly feel so and so should you is:

You can keep quiet only if-

• You sympathise with the wrong doers. For your kind information they don't need sympathy, they need some serious kick up their back sides.
• You Hero worship them. Though outrageous to believe but No one ever stopped you from being an Ass so this is also possible. So to these people - Get your brains (if you have any) checked. You may be shocked to find that the thing you have up there might be empty.
• You feel they are right in doing what they do. In this case I'd suggest you stand with them and blow yourself to pieces with those losers. I cant and wont stop you from killing yourself, you surely don't need saving, your mind and thinking surely is rotten. But you surely do not have the right to jeopardise or put at risk, the lives of innocent people. Want to prove a point? Try to back it with Logic not with the terror of a bomb.

What is the outcome of all this? Communal warfare. So whichever community you be a part of you surely are going to get a hell of a beating. And if you are a part of the community that is responsible for the mess, you surely deserve more than what you are getting. Unfortunately a few Idiots end up tarnishing the image of the entire community. But you can address the issue and clean the name of your community by being helpful to the investigation and by being counted for the sake of the country.

Then later do not complain about being Victims, you brought this onto yourself.

So unless you want to get beat and live a life like living Hell... SPEAK OUT!!!

Another memorable Quote!

This time from one of my professors from college...

Imagine a scene in an empty lab and a student walks in to have a word with his prof...

Student: Sir mujhe aapke paper mein KT lag gayi hai...
Prof: Hmm
Student: Sir I had prepared for the paper. Maine sab numericals kiye the, but paper mein toh poora theory nikla sir...

Prof: Arey yeh toh aisi baat ho gayi jaise tum ek jang ladne ek BAZOOKA lekar nikle aur saamne se tumhe dushman ne PISTOL se uda diya!!!

Federe vs Nadal: The final at this years Big W

I have been following tennis from the 1991-92 season and have seen almost all, barring a few matches, of the 17 years of Wimbledon that has been telecast on Star Sports.
This has been if not the Best ever Wimbledon final ( apart from being the longest ever Tennis final on the grass of the Center court at the All England Tennis and Croquet Club aka The Championships), it is by far the best game of Tennis I have ever seen.
From the time of the Becker-Connors-Chang-Stitch era, before that, Borg and McEnroe going at each other, and later one of the biggest rivalries in modern era of Tennis, the Sampras -Aggasi rivalry; the FedEx-Spanish Armada rivalry has been the only one since, that can dare to come close.
What a hell of a match it was.
Like the match between India and England at the NatWest Series a couple of seasons ago, I was tempted to turn off the TV seeing Federer down 6-7 6-7 4-5, when the rain interrupted the game for the first time.
But I am a bigger fan of Tennis (and of the Championships ) than that of Cricket any day, hands down. And I am proud of the decision to stay up till 3 am to watch the full game.
Well after the match resumed, King Fed held onto both his service games, and somehow pushed the set onto a tie breaker and won that.
A set score of 2-1 was a relief, to know for a fact that at least it was not a complete white wash like the one in Paris some 4 weeks ago, but looking the way Fed was playing, some surprise was surely in store. And how he Played!!
The fourth set again went down to a tie break and of the 7 heart attacks, I suffered during the match, 5 came on the tie breaker. 2-5 down, What a comeback! Long live king Fed!
The back hand pass of Federer that kept him alive in the championships is one of the many rallies I can relive again and again in my head even now and no one would need a highlight reel to remember this match for sure.
Well you might end up watching the entire match in the highlight reel (under normal circumstances shows all the best points played).
It was as if Federer could conjure an Ace at will / time of need in the 3rd or the 4th set. (Maybe more of this was needed in the 5th set to seal the deal)
If you have a look at the stats bulk of the 26+Aces came in the 3rd and 4th sets.
I still feel If FedEx would have nailed the 2nd set when he was leading 4-2, the outcome would have been very different...
Well later we had a second rain delay in the fifth set tied at 2-2 (deuce), and I was hoping Nadal doesn't gain an advantage which Fed did cause of the first delay.
All through the match i was praying to God, to let Federer win this Wimbledon title and in return I would start supporting Nadal too from the next tournament on (Not everyone has the chance to win 6 big Ws in a row).
Though God hasn't lived up to his end of the deal, I do feel that I will be supporting Nadal too from the next tournament on. But in the Fed-Nadal clashes, its still going to be Fed for me. Federer has some class and grace like no one else on the tennis circuit now, and he is the only player who has come close my all time favourite Pete Sampras (at least for me).
It seemed that I will be up till 5 or 6 or till the lights completely die down in Wimbledon but like all good things come to an end, so did have to, this final. Nadal won, wouldn't say deservedly so, cause both did. But as they say there has to be a winner and there can be only 1 at that.
It was Nadal this time. But be warned Nadal, you have woken up Fed by costing him his most favourite title ( only second to his desire to be called: World No# 1).
I am waiting to see Federer all back in form this year and in the future, and like he said, "I'll be back next year!!"

6th July, 2008 what a day!

Its been a disastrous sports weekend for me as a fan in every sense possible:

1. Hamilton destroyed any opposition that dared to raise its head, on his way to his maiden glory at his Home Grand Prix at the Silverstone Race Track.
When you lap 2 World Champions, and every other car apart from the ones on the podium , including lapping your own team mate...

• Either you are Spectacular
• Or Its just your lucky day

Well in Hamilton's case it was a bit of both. Massa's crash during practise coupled with some scintillating laps by the McLarens in the Qualifying stage seems to have cost Ferrari, I dunno, may be some confidence I guess...
Nonetheless, it was refreshing to see not only a Honda finish the race, but Rubens on the podium. That bloke has an illustrious career behind him, but for quite sometime has been a bit off colour. To come to think of it, he went pointless for the entire duration of last season. Go on Rubens, hope you continue the form, and hope the duo of the Iceman and Massa have a much better performance in the next race, the World Championship is surely hotting up with a 4 way battle between the 2 Ferraris, Hamilton and Kubica...

2. India back in form and loose MISERABLY yet again in a final to the Lankans...
All the papers have been going on about with the question, "Who is that boy Mendis?' and "How does India always manage to choke in a final so consistently?"
This is the closest I can find to all the hype about Imran Khan (From the JTYJN fame). The less said about the loss the better (India's of course).
Now reports suggest that Dhoni wants to take a 'break' and not be a part of the Test Series in Sri Lanka. I agree its been too much Cricket off late. Its got to me and Im bored myself. After a wonderful inaugural IPL &20, the Bangladesh tour and now the Asia Cup, all being high scoring games and hardly having any break in between, things dont feel any different anymore.
300 seems to be a not so difficult chase even if you are 50 / 3 after 12 overs.
But like a friend of mine says we need an Indian tour to New Zealand or a match where the first innings score is 150 and the team manages to defend that total ( A 50 over match obviously).

3. Finally the game that gave me 7 heart attacks and a heart ache since the match has gotten over... It deserves a post of its own. So read up on that too...

You know you are A true United Fan when:

You think any game can be won in the last 2 minutes
You cannot play football with your collar down
You think making things hard for yourself is a standard way of doing things
You hate everything to do with Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool
You know what the meaning of the word "treble" is.
You know what and where the Theatre of Dreams is located
You can predict the step over patterns of Cristiano Ronaldo.
Football is not football if Manchester United are NOT playing.
Believe that we're still going to win the league even if we were 12 points down, with four games to go.
you wake up at 4am after a night of drinking having had only 2 hours of sleep to watch united play live......... against Watford
If ever watching a match as a neutral, you find a united connection and support that team.
During the summer competitions (Euro, world cup) you hope the countries in which players from united represent do poorly so they can get more rest for the season.
You never get tired of explaining why Man Utd is the best even to those who don't know the basics of football and still dare to question your knowledge regarding the game !
When you pick out colors for anything, red black and white are always what you push for...be it a blanket, sweater, or wedding.
Going behind in a match never seems like a major problem
You screw your exams every time by watching late night UCL matches.
Manchester United is THE United and can be said without "Man" in the presence of Newcastle, West Ham, Sheffield, etc. etc. fans
You first look for Man utd on any football game..PC,PS2 etc
The team in that game has to be changed in order to be exactly the same as the one in real life
When your last words will be GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED..
You worship a select few gods by the names of Scholes, Neville, Giggs, Rooney, etc
You know more about the youth squad than most other fans know of their clubs first teams.
You can be asked a number of a player by someone and be able to name them all, and if the number is vacant, name the last player to use the number
You call them Man United, Manchester United, United, the Red Devils, The Babes... but never Man U
Your cell phone's ring is a famous united song or player chant
2/3rds of your time on the computer is based on united... i.e. orkut, espn, soccernet, manutd.com, football manager, etc
You spontaneously come up with chants in front of the TV, much to the delight of the people watching it with you
You cancel your classes when they interfere with matches.
May 26th is a holiday regardless of what is happening.
You run up the wall in your living room yelling with your Man Utd shirt on and end up waking up the whole neighbourhood.
When you cannot watch the game, your friends know to sms you every 5mins to keep you up to date
When walking across the quad on campus and you spot someone wearing a Liverpool shirt, you call them a dirty scouser.
Sir Alex's 4-4-2 is your only way to play football, except when he switches it himself.
When you are out, and would go to even the yuckiest restaurant to watch a Man United game.
Manchester United is religion, The Theater Of Dreams the temple & ManUtd players are Gods.

THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until your father gets home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE:
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why." & "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to The store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:"
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."
My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled becauseI saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Hilarious

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Santa Singh, an Indian (Punjabi) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people left the room. Santa says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people left the room. Santa says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people left the room. Santa says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people left the room. Santa says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Santa turns to the other candidate and says 'Hor Phaphe ki haal chaal?.' The other candidate answers ' O Vadiya veere, tu Sunna'

The truest definition of Globalization

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky: followed closely by Italian Paparazzis in Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
And moreover this is sent to you by a Indian, using American technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by Pakistan lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals...
That, my friend, is " Globalization "

Rajani!!!

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.

* Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.

* Rajnikant counted to infinity - twice.

* When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

* Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

* Rajnikant doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

* Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.

* Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.

* There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

* Rajnikant's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

* Rajnikant can divide by zero.

* Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant turnaround kick.

* When taking the GRE, write "Rajnikant" for every answer. You will score over 1600.

* Rajnikant has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

* Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

* Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Rajnikant

*Rajanikanth's acting is so good that he even makes onions cry.

* Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than death can process them.

* Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

* Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

* Rajanikanth can kill a shark by drowning it.

* Rajanikanth can play the violin... with a piano.

* When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on....... he turns the darkness off.

* Rajanikanth once had a heart attack............... his heart lost.

* When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror it shatters, because the mirror is not stupid enough to get in between the two Rajanikanths.

* Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further!

“BEEDI JALAI LE ” EnglishTranslation

(It’s awesome… best one is Sasssuriiiiiiiiiiiii [:-)] )

DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST US
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!!!!!)

NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!!)
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT
GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE

LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER

DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
DO NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS
DONOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS THE WORLD IS VERY CROOKED
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
IT’S SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE

NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
OLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVETAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE YEAH YEAH

NOT CRIME
NOT CHAOS
WITHOUT SIN DIEDU CALLED ME IN THE AFTER NOON
TALKED BANGALES
MASKED HIMSELF
BURN THE SMALL STOVE 4M FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THRE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
NOT EVEN KNIFE SHAPRPNEES
NOT EVEN PLOUGH OR PLOUGHER
BITE SO THAT IT LEAVE IMPRINTS
THIS CROP ANY FARMER VILL LEAVE
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS CATO (billo)
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
NOT EVEN CALLED ME
NOT EVEN TOLD ME
U WOKE ME UP 4M SLEEP
I DONT KNOW 4M VER THIS FATE CAME
HE CAME NEAR BY MAKING ME EAT CARDAMOM
BURN THE COAL FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER

Quotes of the Year!!

One Heck of a quote by Arun Lal in the recently played Indo - Pak Final at Bangladesh.

Commenting on the decision by Dhoni to have already bowled 4 spinners ( 7 bowlers) and about to bring on Raina as the 5th Spinner (8th bowler) ...

Commentator 1: Dhoni is bringing in... would you believe it the the 8th bowler, the 5th spinner for the innings.

Arun Lal: You know not all of them are spinners, some are ROLLERS !!!

What in the name of bloody hell was that ?

But this comes in only second.

But the Numero Uno quote has to be by the commentator in the Man Utd v Arsenal match at Old Trafford this season.

Gallas handles the ball, Ref gives the penalty. Ronaldo about to take the penalty, and as usual, Lehmann tries to act smart (someone tell him he'll always be dumb) and tries to unnerve Ronaldo by complaining to the Ref about the ball's improper placement at the spot.

Ref digs it, gives Lehmann the yellow card.

Commentator: He deserved the yellow card, actually he deserves it just for being Jens Lehmann !!!

Brilliant .... Absolutely Brilliant !!!

Pieces of advice to juniors in societies / any council:

1. Dont always do what the member wants, but always do what the member needs.

2. You are not in the freaking business of running gameshows. You are a technical / non technical outfit, glamour is good, not at the expense of content.

3. Nobody in this world is indispensable, Not U Not ME. If someone is not present, there will always be someone else who'll step up and get the job done. May not be as swift and smooth as someone else, but the job will be done.

4. Be your own competition. You dont need to see what someone else is doing. Do the best you can and if you feel that you could have done nothing better than what you have done, You have achieved your goal.

FUNNY, THY NAME IS ENGLISH!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always men,

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,

We find that quicksand can work slowly,

Boxing rings are square,

and a guinea pig isneither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing?

Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends

and get rid of all But one of them, what do you call it?

If one who looks is a looker,

why one who cooks is not a cooker?

If teachers taught,

why didn't preachers praught?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.

We have noses that run and feet that smell.

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language

In which your house can burn up as it burns down,

In which you fill in a form by filling it out,

And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop,

How come Mother's not Mop?

If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review

If you want to know how good Taare is, just go to your nearest theatre and watch the people coming out after the show. The cacophony that surrounds a crowd exiting a theater will be missing. Some would be walking in slow motion. Some would look petrified. At least that's what happened in the theatre I went to. Not a single soul was talking after the movie, probably because of what everyone saw on screen, was not fiction, but a semi-biography of his/her own life. In fact, the normally rowdiest gang in a theatre (ie my friends and I) that is uber vocal at the end of a film left the theater in pin drop silence. The first thing we said to each other - 'Aamir Bhai has done it again.'
Indeed, Aamir Khan had done it again. I have a gut feeling that Taare would change people like no other movie has previously done.
I know only Aamir can make a film like Taare. But let us assume he did not make it (dream on!). What would the film have been like?

If Karan Johar made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable) .
Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).

It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.
It would have one dance number.
The film would be titled 'Kuch Taare Zameen Par.'

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Salman as the teacher.
Rani as the mother.

Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a f***ing difference.
The film would cost 60 crores.

If Farah Khan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
SRK as the teacher (yawn).
In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah's version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh's character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I'm quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.

If Rakesh Roshan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
The film's name would again start with a K.. probably 'Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par'.
The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

If Priyadarshan made Taare:
Obvious starcast:
Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
Paresh Rawal as the kid's dad.
It would be a brainless comedy. The kid's dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director's opinion, would be funny.
The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like 'iss umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!'. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That's where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy's mental abilities anyway.

I know there are a lot of other directors, but I choose these guys because I feel they are the most gutless or overrated directors we have today. They keep doing the same shit again and again and more often than not depend on the stars to carry a shitty film forward. They have no courage to try something non-nonsense, something that can use the medium of cinema for a little more than just entertainment, in spite of being the most sought after directors in the country
The reason I am making this comparison at all is to show how Aamir and Amol Gupte have made a pure film, without giving into the temptation of masala or 'what would the audience like to see' philosophy; for giving chance to fantastic yet unknown actors like Vipin Sharma and Tisca Chopra (I love Tisca); for riding against the tide; for not trying to hog the limelight in the film by happily playing second fiddle to the boy (even Aamir Khan's name comes after Darsheel Safary, the boy, in the credits); for giving the audience something different once again as an entertainer; and for truly caring about the society and using the medium to bring a change.
I remember earlier this year SRK made a statement: 'films are for entertainment; messages are for post offices.'
Well Aamir Khan has proved that cinema is probably the best medium for giving a message and I can say that looking at the face of every person in the cinema hall. Not only that, he has proved (yet again!) that a message can be entertaining.
Behold bollywood bigshots, Aamir the director has arrived. With just one film, he has set the bar higher than most of you can only dream of reaching.

Before I am acused of plagiarism, I'll take this opportunity to clarify that this post has not been written by me, and I read this on the internet. Might I also add that being an ardent SRK fan it would be quite difficult for me to write this, but its worth a read.