You know you are A true United Fan when:

You think any game can be won in the last 2 minutes
You cannot play football with your collar down
You think making things hard for yourself is a standard way of doing things
You hate everything to do with Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool
You know what the meaning of the word "treble" is.
You know what and where the Theatre of Dreams is located
You can predict the step over patterns of Cristiano Ronaldo.
Football is not football if Manchester United are NOT playing.
Believe that we're still going to win the league even if we were 12 points down, with four games to go.
you wake up at 4am after a night of drinking having had only 2 hours of sleep to watch united play live......... against Watford
If ever watching a match as a neutral, you find a united connection and support that team.
During the summer competitions (Euro, world cup) you hope the countries in which players from united represent do poorly so they can get more rest for the season.
You never get tired of explaining why Man Utd is the best even to those who don't know the basics of football and still dare to question your knowledge regarding the game !
When you pick out colors for anything, red black and white are always what you push for...be it a blanket, sweater, or wedding.
Going behind in a match never seems like a major problem
You screw your exams every time by watching late night UCL matches.
Manchester United is THE United and can be said without "Man" in the presence of Newcastle, West Ham, Sheffield, etc. etc. fans
You first look for Man utd on any football game..PC,PS2 etc
The team in that game has to be changed in order to be exactly the same as the one in real life
When your last words will be GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED..
You worship a select few gods by the names of Scholes, Neville, Giggs, Rooney, etc
You know more about the youth squad than most other fans know of their clubs first teams.
You can be asked a number of a player by someone and be able to name them all, and if the number is vacant, name the last player to use the number
You call them Man United, Manchester United, United, the Red Devils, The Babes... but never Man U
Your cell phone's ring is a famous united song or player chant
2/3rds of your time on the computer is based on united... i.e. orkut, espn, soccernet, manutd.com, football manager, etc
You spontaneously come up with chants in front of the TV, much to the delight of the people watching it with you
You cancel your classes when they interfere with matches.
May 26th is a holiday regardless of what is happening.
You run up the wall in your living room yelling with your Man Utd shirt on and end up waking up the whole neighbourhood.
When you cannot watch the game, your friends know to sms you every 5mins to keep you up to date
When walking across the quad on campus and you spot someone wearing a Liverpool shirt, you call them a dirty scouser.
Sir Alex's 4-4-2 is your only way to play football, except when he switches it himself.
When you are out, and would go to even the yuckiest restaurant to watch a Man United game.
Manchester United is religion, The Theater Of Dreams the temple & ManUtd players are Gods.

THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until your father gets home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE:
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why." & "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to The store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:"
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."
My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled becauseI saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Hilarious

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Santa Singh, an Indian (Punjabi) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people left the room. Santa says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people left the room. Santa says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people left the room. Santa says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people left the room. Santa says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Santa turns to the other candidate and says 'Hor Phaphe ki haal chaal?.' The other candidate answers ' O Vadiya veere, tu Sunna'

The truest definition of Globalization

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky: followed closely by Italian Paparazzis in Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
And moreover this is sent to you by a Indian, using American technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by Pakistan lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals...
That, my friend, is " Globalization "

Rajani!!!

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.

* Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.

* Rajnikant counted to infinity - twice.

* When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

* Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

* Rajnikant doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

* Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.

* Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.

* There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

* Rajnikant's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

* Rajnikant can divide by zero.

* Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant turnaround kick.

* When taking the GRE, write "Rajnikant" for every answer. You will score over 1600.

* Rajnikant has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

* Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

* Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Rajnikant

*Rajanikanth's acting is so good that he even makes onions cry.

* Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than death can process them.

* Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

* Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

* Rajanikanth can kill a shark by drowning it.

* Rajanikanth can play the violin... with a piano.

* When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on....... he turns the darkness off.

* Rajanikanth once had a heart attack............... his heart lost.

* When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror it shatters, because the mirror is not stupid enough to get in between the two Rajanikanths.

* Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further!

“BEEDI JALAI LE ” EnglishTranslation

(It’s awesome… best one is Sasssuriiiiiiiiiiiii [:-)] )

DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST US
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!!!!!)

NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!!)
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT
GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE

LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER

DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
DO NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS
DONOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS THE WORLD IS VERY CROOKED
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
IT’S SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE

NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
OLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVETAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE YEAH YEAH

NOT CRIME
NOT CHAOS
WITHOUT SIN DIEDU CALLED ME IN THE AFTER NOON
TALKED BANGALES
MASKED HIMSELF
BURN THE SMALL STOVE 4M FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THRE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
NOT EVEN KNIFE SHAPRPNEES
NOT EVEN PLOUGH OR PLOUGHER
BITE SO THAT IT LEAVE IMPRINTS
THIS CROP ANY FARMER VILL LEAVE
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS CATO (billo)
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
NOT EVEN CALLED ME
NOT EVEN TOLD ME
U WOKE ME UP 4M SLEEP
I DONT KNOW 4M VER THIS FATE CAME
HE CAME NEAR BY MAKING ME EAT CARDAMOM
BURN THE COAL FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER

Quotes of the Year!!

One Heck of a quote by Arun Lal in the recently played Indo - Pak Final at Bangladesh.

Commenting on the decision by Dhoni to have already bowled 4 spinners ( 7 bowlers) and about to bring on Raina as the 5th Spinner (8th bowler) ...

Commentator 1: Dhoni is bringing in... would you believe it the the 8th bowler, the 5th spinner for the innings.

Arun Lal: You know not all of them are spinners, some are ROLLERS !!!

What in the name of bloody hell was that ?

But this comes in only second.

But the Numero Uno quote has to be by the commentator in the Man Utd v Arsenal match at Old Trafford this season.

Gallas handles the ball, Ref gives the penalty. Ronaldo about to take the penalty, and as usual, Lehmann tries to act smart (someone tell him he'll always be dumb) and tries to unnerve Ronaldo by complaining to the Ref about the ball's improper placement at the spot.

Ref digs it, gives Lehmann the yellow card.

Commentator: He deserved the yellow card, actually he deserves it just for being Jens Lehmann !!!

Brilliant .... Absolutely Brilliant !!!